Santa's Revenge
by Editor-Bug
Summary: They always said that Santa would return to Earth every Christmas. They were right. Christmas one-shot! Read & review if you like! Takes place one year after "The Most Horrible Xmas Ever".


(A/N: Merry Christmas, everyone! I worked hard to make THIS one-shot! I really appreciate all of the positive reviews that I receive and I love sharing stories!

My inspiration for this one was what Christmas was like for everyone after Santa started attacking every year. So, this is the story! Thank you for reading and enjoy!)

Ah, Christmas time. Such a splendid period of the year. It almost made life in Zim's town tolerable. Down, down, deep underground beneath his house level, he lay on the floor in his lab, staring up at the mass of wires and darkness that was his ceiling.

"GIR..." he called weakly. Within seconds, he heard his insane SIR unit show up.

"YYYEAHHH!" the robot screamed. He slid his way down from some hanging cables in quite an impressive display of agility, then landed beside his master and saluted."Yes, Daddy?!"

"GIR...I have noticed...the calendars are repeating themselves...the dreaded snow once more litters the city..."

GIR gasped."What _could _it mean?! What _could _it POSSIBLY mean?!"

"I have lived among the humans for over one Earth year, GIR."

"Gasp..." GIR shook his head in astonishment."How do you feel?"

"ZIM FEELS MORE VIGOROUS THAN EVER BEFORE!" Zim rose up with such force that he knocked GIR over."I can FEEL my domination of the planet nearing with each passing moment! It is only a matter of time until it happens! The pitiful human race will NOT be able withstand my might much longer! THAT is how I feel, GIR! GIR? Where did you go?"

Zim suddenly felt GIR clinging to the back of his head."Nuh-uh! You feel more like a football!"

"ZIM ATTACK!" Zim karate chopped GIR to the ground."Any last words?!"

"Incoming transmission from the Tallest," announced Computer.

"Ooh, they called ME this time. GIR, get out of here!"

"WHOO!" GIR flew off elsewhere.

"Hello? Zim?" Tallest Purple squinted at the screen.

"HERE I AM!"

"AHH!"

"Hehe, I scared you."

Tallest Red slid into view of the screen."Oh, Zim, you're still alive."

"Yes, yes I am." Zim nodded."Is there anything I can do for you, sirs?"

"Uh...no," Purple shook his head."Just checking to see whether you were dead or not."

"Yeah," agreed Red."Okay, bye, Zim!"

"BYE!" Zim waved as the transmission was cut. He grinned."Isn't that nice? They called to check on me."

"...I don't think you understand what they meant," Computer told his master.

"Silence, Computer!" Zim commanded him."You know not of how the Tallest feel."

"Yeah, okay. By the way, you're late for skool, Master."

Zim's ruby eyes widened."Rrr, DOOKIE! Not again!"

XXXXXXXSKOOLSUCKSXXXXXXX

"...and they were never heard from again." concluded Ms. Bitters.

Zim waved his hands in the air."I don't get it!"

"Too bad. Time for the quiz."

"Aww..." moaned everyone present.

Zim tried to do his best, but he was pretty distracted. He looked out of the window across the room and snow was beginning to lightly fall.

"Um, Ms. Bitters..."

"Zim, I already said, you can't ask me for the answers."

"No, sir, Zim was only wondering what the date was."

Ms. Bitters scowled at him."It's December 24th. The day when evil descends upon us."

Zim put a finger to his chin."Perhaps _that _is why I have been having these strange feelings lately..."

"Nah, that's just puberty. Now get back to work!"

XXXXXXXAFTERSKOOLXXXXXXX

Zim was just heading home, minding his business, but then Dib had to show up. Of course.

(A/N: People, don't get me wrong, I like Dib, I relate to Dib, but he annoys the crap out of me.)

"ZIM!" he called out as usual.

Zim took a few seconds to turn around, as he wasn't very focused."Oh, it's you, Earthling. Zim failed to take notice of you today, what with all the voices of foreboding in his head."

"Voices of foreboding...?"

"...you were saying?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. You're not going to ruin Christmas this ye- -"

"CHRISTMAS?!" Zim exclaimed."No...no, not again! Tell me, child! When is this horror taking place?!"

"It's tomo- -"

"WHEN?!"

"Tomor- -"

"WHEN?!"

"ZIM, IT'S TOMORROW! GEEZ, try learning your holidays sometime!" Dib yelled, frustrated.

"Ah! Ah!" Zim began to get anxious, looking at the sky. Then he ran off, screaming.

Dib just stared after him. When he turned around, all the kids were glaring at him.

One threw a snowball into his face.

"Xenophobe..."

XXXXXXXDAMASSIVEXXXXXXX

"Incoming transmission...! From Planet Earth."

"Ughh..." groaned Tallest Red."Haven't we had enough of Zim today? It's bad enough he hasn't been killed yet, I don't need to hear his voice!"

"HELLO!" Zim suddenly appeared on the screen, seeming frantic. He threw off his disguise, which was coated with snow, and turned back to the screen.

Red flinched.

"What do you want, Zim?" Tallest Purple asked.

"My Tallest! I bear terrible news! This may be the last time you hear from me!"

Tallest Red smiled."That is GREAT news!"

"No, you don't understand!" Zim shook his head."I fear that a great evil shall soon descend upon the Earth! Ms. Bitters said so! And- -"

"Well, yeah," Purple said nonchalantly."Aren't you trying to _destroy_ the Earth? That's pretty evil..."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," agreed Red."Bye now."

"No, wait! WAIT!"

But Zim was too late. The transmission had been cut. He stepped away from the screen.

"...if the Tallest aren't going to help me, I can only hope that this wave of paranoia passes quickly. I'm starting to feel sick...oh, who am I kidding? Something horrible is going to happen."

Unfortunately, Zim was right.

As the Tallest continued conversing, they didn't notice the red figure that sped past the Massive.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mmm...whatcha doin'?"

"GIR, I am- -...what are you eating?"

"Churro. You want one?!" GIR held a second one out for Zim.

"Hmm...fine, gimme that," Zim took it."Just don't get sugar on the floor."

"Okay!"

Zim took a bite of the churro."Mm, that's good. Anyway, I'm checking Earth's gravitational field for any approaching objects."

"Are there aliens comin'?!" asked GIR, alarmed. (A/N: Dang it, GIR, you got sugar on the floor!)

"GIR, the only aliens here are us," Zim told his robot."Who else even knows that this planet exists?"

GIR shrugged.

"Exactly! But the only things out so far are the usual meteoroids! So, it must have something to do with this Christmas thing!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" cheered GIR. Then he jumped up a chute and out of the lab.

"No, GIR!" Zim turned his chair away from the monitor."NO merry- -...YOU GOT SUGAR ON THE FLOOR! WHAT DID ZIM TELL YOU?! YOU SWINE!"

XXXXXXXMEMBRANEHOUSEHOLDXXXXXXX

Dib had finally managed to escape that angry mob of kids with snowballs and gotten home. He brushed snow and ice off of his person as he stepped inside.

"Gaz!"

"What? I'm _playing_ right now," she grunted, pressing away at the buttons on her GS2.

"Gaz, Zim is going to do..._something_ to ruin Christmas this year, I just KNOW it based upon how anxious he was today! And whatever it is, it's my duty to find out and stop it! For Earth! For mankind! For- -"

"I've heard this a million times, just shut up," Gaz scooted farther down the couch so that there was more distance between she and her brother."One of these days, you're going to give me an aneurysm."

"Don't you even care?" Dib asked in disbelief. (A/N: Really, man, you should know the answer to that by now.)"Do you NOT remember last Christmas, when Zim built that Santa suit and tried to send us all to our doom? Huh?! Doesn't that bother you? Huh?! Doesn't it?! HUH?!"

"Dib...all I know is that this Christmas COULDN'T be as horrible as last year's," Gaz shook her head."It's just not possible."

"Hello, children!" Professor Membrane burst in through the window.

"See? Dad's here," Gaz gestured toward her father.

"Hi, Dad," Dib waved awkwardly.

"I have some HORRIBLE news, son!"

"Oh."

"My Santa meter was going off the charts today! Literally! So, we're going to stay barricaded in the basement until Christmas is over!" Professor Membrane declared.

"WHAT?!" Dib cried.

"It's for the best!" The professor grabbed his two children by the heads (Gaz dropped her Game Slave 2 on the couch) and dashed into his home laboratory in the basement.

Once there, he activated the security systems on the door to enforce the lock on the door and the entire house. A large countdown clock appeared on the door to tell them how much time it would be until Christmas had passed. There were about 27 hours left.

"Phew! NOW we're safe!"

Gaz shook with rage."DAD...MY GAME WAS UP THERE."

"Well! Too late to go back for it now!"

"But how am I going to find out what Zim is up to if I'm trapped down here all Christmas?!" Dib asked his dad.

"Son, there's no use in trying to spare your friend of the HORROR that is this holiday!" Professor Membrane told him."We can't save everyone, you know!"

XXXXXXXBACKWITHZIMXXXXXXX

"GIR? GIR!" Zim called out."I think I found something!"

"What is it?"

"Clean up that sugar you spilled first, and Zim shall tell you!"

GIR vacuumed the sugar with his mouth, them toddled over to Zim.

"There appears to be an object of great power nearing the planet. If I can just..."Zim adjusted the telescope to focus upon the red figure. He gasped."It's...SANTA!"

"Santa?"

"My Santa suit has come back to haunt me!" Zim began twitching."I knew it! It's been in space gathering power all along! I should have destroyed when I had the chance!...Now it has returned!"

"Why?"

"FOR VENGEANCE! It wants to kill us all! Especially me!"

"Yay, Santa's coming!" GIR clapped."I hope he brings me a porcupine!"

"NO!" Zim facepalmed."What to do? I can't just LEAVE the planet...then Santa will come and obliterate humanity. That's MY destiny! So, we'll just have to fight it off, and blast it back into space!"

"But...why don't we just destroy i- -"

"SILENCE, GIR! WE NEED WEAPONRY!"

XXXXXXXABITLATERXXXXXXX

Zim and GIR, now with Minimoose's assistance, had gathered up all of the weapons in Zim's possession (they had really added up over time) and compiled them in the front yard with the lawn gnomes, ready for battle.

"Now we just need to arm ourselves...FOR THE WEATHER!" Adjusting his wig, Zim took out a little box with some winter wear inside.

"Which scarf? Red or purple?" he asked his robots.

"RED!" chose GIR.

"Nyah!" squeaked Minimoose.

"Well, can't argue with that. Purple it is!" Zim tied the purple scarf around his neck.

GIR wore some blue earmuffs over his puppy disguise, and Minimoose donned a green cap. They obviously didn't need them, but oh, well.

"Now...we wait for the Santa to arrive..."

GIR and Minimoose squeaked in response.

XXXXXXACOUPLEHOURSLATERXXXXXXX

"I'm booored!" whined GIR.

"QUIET!" Zim commanded, not being very quiet himself."It'll show up any minute! My voices of foreboding are NEVER wrong!"

Sure enough, just exactly at twelve o' clock, the Santa suit reached the planet, crashing into the center of town like a heavy meteorite. It didn't look very different from its previous attack, but it had grown substantially in size and it was more ferocious than before. It roared, which woke up several sleeping children.

One unlucky kid walked out to his balcony and saw the rampaging monster. He gasped."SANTA! MOM, DAD, HE'S HERE! AHHHHHHHH!"

As the kid jumped up and down excitedly, Santa had seen him and grabbed him by the collar. He lifted the boy high into the winter air.

"SANTA, NO!" The boy screamed as he was dropped into Santa's enormous mouth."SANTA, I LOVE YOUUU!"

"NOW, WE ATTACK!" Zim finally declared. He hopped into a magenta mech suit, and Gir and Minimoose jumped onto its shoulders, carrying weapons such as grenades and missile launchers and stuff.

"Merry Christmas!" GIR said cheerfully.

"Minimoose, GIR, shoot it!" Zim ordered them. They began to do so."Shoot it! SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT!"

Dozens of explosions erupted upon the Santa suit, but it did little to faze it. It was out for Zim and humanity, and with such a drive, it growled in its creator's direction.

Zim simply growled back."Zim has prepared himself for you, Santa! Humanity is MINE! No one steals Zim's mission! Not Planet Jackers, not Tak, and certainly not YOU! You're going back into space where you belong! What do you have to say to THAT?!"

The Santa suit roared once more.

"...I see. In that case...LASER BARRAGE! HAHHH!" Zim fired rows of lasers that grazed the Santa suit, but it was able to evade most of them by hiding behind buildings.

With the mech suit so small, Zim wasn't able to catch up to Santa very easily.

"Okay...new plan," he panted."I'll try to attack it head-on, you two get it from...every other angle. Go out there, fire as hard as you can...hopefully, we'll get lucky..."

The two robots leapt off of the mech suit and trudged off through the snow to carry out their master's orders.

Zim continued to stalk down the streets in the battle mech, muttering to himself as he searched for the Santa suit, who was surprisingly hard to find.

"Santa...you...stupid elf man...you shall spill no Irken blood this Christmas..."

As if on cue, a jagged piece of candy cane flew out of the fog and sliced across Zim's cheek.

"OUCH!" he yelped as it whizzed by. Blood flowed out of his cheek, transparent and tinted with pink.(A/N: Jhonen Vasquez said at Invader Con 2 that that's what color Irken blood is, so...)"CURSE YOU, SANTAAA!"

Santa shrieked and charged out of the fog, surprising Zim. Before the Irken had the chance to do anything, one stomp of those jolly boots of doom caused enough vibration to nearly send him flying. He hung out of the cockpit of his battle suit, reaching for the controls. Another stomp launched him off of it entirely, and the final one completely crushed Zim's only defense weapon. The mech suit had been destroyed.

Santa let out what sounded like a victory screech.

But Zim wouldn't give up. He fought for as long as he could. He fired more and more weapons, but eventually, those too were overcome by Santa.

Zim sat in the snow, astonished.

"What?! Impossible! How has he gotten so strong?!" Zim looked around and...there were children. Tens of hundreds of children out at one in the morning, cheering for Santa and trying to sit in his lap! They were eaten, of course, but all that Christmas cheer was fueling the monster!

"HEY! Stop cheering, disgusting human children!" Zim yelled at them, but they didn't listen."You're making him stronger! He wants to destroy you all, you fools!"

Zim was being ignored, so Santa took this opportunity to try and kill him. With a mighty roar, he stepped toward Zim, determined to crush him underfoot.

And Zim did the only thing he _could _do in this situation.

Run for his life.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zim screamed as he ran. He didn't care where he was going, but he was narrowly avoiding being stomped on by a giant Santa robot with candy cane claws!

Eventually, after a few minutes of screaming and running, Zim was able to avoid Santa by hiding in a pile of snow.

He let out a sigh of relief as the monster walked away. Then screamed again as the ice began melting upon him and burning his skin.

He rolled out of the snow pile and dashed into an alley. There, he pulled out his communication device.

"GIR, Minimoose, are you there?" Zim asked, out of breath."GIR?! Minimoose?!...DRAT!" He retracted the communicator."No signal! NOW what do I do?"

Zim pulled his scarf up over his cut cheek and curled up into a ball, as not too far away, Santa continued to lay waste to the city.

He hoped his robots hadn't been destroyed.

XXXXXXXMEMBRANESXXXXXXX

"...and SOME say that most paranormal creatures, like vampires, or werewolves, are most often born on December 24th! This leads me to believe- -"

"DIB...it's been six hours...I don't have my game. Do you REALLY want to irritate me right now?"

Dib, Gaz and Professor Membrane had still remained in their basement throughout all this craziness, for it was impossible for them to get out until the Christmas countdown was over. The professor was off somewhere, doing REAL SCIENCE, Gaz was in a fetal position in a corner, and Dib was trying to make the best of it by forcing her to listen to his paranormal rambling.

"I'm just trying to explain to you what Zim might be doing!" Dib told his sister."Maybe, if it's not too late, I'll be able to stop his were-vampire baby army the day AFTER Christmas! And- -"

"Stop talking!" snarled Gaz.

Dib sighed and decided not to bother her any further. He went to go see what his father was doing.

"Hey, Dad...what are you doing?"

Professor Membrane looked away from the screens he was monitoring."Oh, you know, son! Just scouting out the city for any sign of Christmas peril!"

"What the..." Dib glanced up at the screens."Do you have surveillance cameras set up everywhere in town?"

"Yep!"

"Oh. Have you found anything?"

"Of course!" The professor pointed."See? There's your little green friend crying in an alley way!"

"...NOOO! We're all doomed! The Santa is going to kill me! I'm going to di-i-ie! I smell like peppermint, and he is going to find me and SLAY me, and then destroy us all! I don't wanna..." sobbed Zim.

Dib looked at another monitor and saw the Santa suit rampaging through town.

"And there's Santa, wreaking havoc!" Professor Membrane said, frowning.

"The Santa suit!" Dib exclaimed."It's returned from space! Dad! You have to let me out of here so I can defeat it!"

"No can do, son. Even if I wanted to unlock the door, it won't budge until the countdown ends! It's _that _permanent!" Professor Membrane stated with pride.

"Of course it is..." sighed Dib."Then I'll just have to battle it from here!"

Luckily, Dib had brought his laptop with him. He pulled it out and got to work.

"Over time, I've been able to program Tak's ship so that I can control it remotely!" Dib said out loud."Hopefully, it'll have enough power to stop Santa!"

"That's nice, so-and-so!" Professor Membrane turned back to the screens.

Dib activated the ship's power and its point of view showed up on the laptop screen. He smiled and the ship smashed out of the garage and over to town. Dib carefully steered over to Santa, and his jaw dropped.

The beast had nearly tripled in size, due to all those stupid, cheering children. Plus, most of the city was demolished.

Now it's time for an awesome action montage during which Dib tries to use the ship to defeat Santa and fails, but the author is too lazy to type all that.

By the end of the fight, most of the buildings in town were gone, Tak's ship was out of power and busted up with candy cane shards, Christmas was an hour away from ending, and Gaz was ready to murder somebody. Preferably Dib.

What a day to be alive.

XXXXXXXINDACITYXXXXXXX

Zim was still cowering in the corner, thankful that Santa hadn't discovered him yet, when GIR showed up.

"Hi!" greeted the SIR unit.

"GIR!" Zim looked like he was going to hug GIR, but instead, he began to strangle him."WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

"Well...the hat shop and the ice cream parlor and the soda joint and the MacMeaties and..."

"Okay, I get it, you've been around!" Zim released GIR."Where is Minimoose?"

"At home," GIR fixed his earmuffs.

"Ah, then the base hasn't been destroyed!" Zim grinned for the first time all day."There's still a chance to stop the Santa!"

"SANTA!" GIR squealed and ran out to the Santa suit."Hi, Santa! Can I sit on your lap now?!"

Santa roared and lifted a boot to crush GIR.

_"JAEGAR!" _Zim exclaimed, dashing out of the alley and tumbling through the snow to pull GIR out of death's grasp.

Unfortunately, upon seeing its creator, the Santa suit went berserk and grabbed Zim by the collar, lifting him up off of the street.

"AHHH! GIR! GIR, SAVE ME!" Zim tried to yank the long purple scarf off of his neck."Why did I tie this so well?!"

"Hm?" GIR looked up absentmindedly.

"SANTA IS GOING TO EAT ME!"

"NAW!" GIR waved his paw dismissively."Santa only eats COOKIES!"

"No, GIR! You have to send it back into space before I am consumed! AHHHH!" Zim screamed like a banshee as he was dropped into Santa's mouth. Fortunately, he managed to grab on to one of the teeth and hang from there."Hurry, GIR, DO IT!"

"But WHYYY?" complained GIR.

Zim struggled to keep his grip on the tooth as the tongue lashed at him."Because! SANTA DID NOT BRING YOU YOUR PORCUPINE!"

"THEN IT MUST BE _DESTROYED!_" GIR declared in a deep voice. He snapped into duty mode and tore out of his puppy suit.

...

The author can't even begin describe what happened to poor Santa next. Well, GIR rescued Zim from his mouth, just kind of...dropped him in the road. He did some very, VERY violent things to Santa that really wouldn't be appropriate if this weren't between robots.

So, Santa, extremely bruised, battered and drained of Christmas cheer, reverted back to his original, tiny size.

And while Zim was enjoying watching the monster get his just desserts, he had to end this.

"Enough, GIR!" Zim called."Hurry and pummel it into oblivion!"

GIR reared and prepared for the final blow.

"GIR ATTAAACK!" With that, GIR dealt the Santa suit a mighty karate chop and it soared to the heavens. Well, space, actually. You know what I meant.

"YAY! I saved Christmas!" GIR flashed out of duty mode and landed beside his master.

Zim looked down at GIR condescendingly."You know, GIR, this is usually the point when I would say something to belittle you, glorifying myself and making you feel insignificant...but I'm too tired."

Zim collapsed onto GIR and received a spine-cracking hug.

"YAYYY! I SAVED YOU TOO!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So, Christmas was saved...by GIR. Okay...

"HAHA! Christmas is OVER!" Professor Membrane announced.

"FINALLY!" Gaz shoved her older brother out of the way and dashed out the door as the lock released.

Dib picked himself up off the lab floor."Now! To stop Zim's evil plan!"

Professor Membrane stared after his two children and shook his head.

"Where did I go wrong?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Dib got outside, he saw some destroyed buildings and families celebrating. He was very confused.

"IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS! _IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS!_" A kid grabbed Dib and shook him. Then ran off and did that to a few other people.

"Wh-What?" Dib looked around."Where's Santa?"

GIR came strolling along the sidewalk, in his puppy costume and earmuffs once again. He was dragging Zim behind him by the scarf.

"Zim! There you are! What's going on here? What happened to Santa? And why do you smell like peppermint?" Dib narrowed his eyes at the alien.

Zim stood up slowly, frowned, and punched Dib square in the face.

"Shut up, I saved ALL y'all." The Irken crossed his arms.

"NO, I DID!" GIR corrected him.

"SILENCE!"

"And why were you crying earlier?" asked Dib. He got punched again.

"Zim does not cry! Zim WEEPS!"

Dib rubbed his cheek."So, you guys defeated Santa?"

Zim looked to the skies."...no. He shall return. He shall return every Christmas from a year of gathering power in space, and Zim shall subdue him once again. This is the new tradition. We'll probably have to build a protective dome in the future..."

Dib blinked."Well, that was dumb. Why didn't you just destroy- -"

"HEY, DIB!"

The three turned and spotted Gaz in a top window of the Membrane home. She was holding her Game Slave in one hand, and something else in the other.

"Consider this payback for annoying me! Zim, catch!" She smirked and tossed a green object down to Zim.

He caught it carefully and examined it. It was a mistletoe.

"Hm? Heh?" Zim squinted."What is this?" He held it up.

Dib's eyes widened and he backed away."Ah...! Ahh! Get that away from me!"

Zim stepped up to the boy, still holding it up."Hey! Get back here! Tell me what this is! Dib-filth, don't you run from me! TELL ZIM!"

"AHH, NO! GET AWAY!"

Zim continued to chase Dib down the street of rejoicing people with the mistletoe, and GIR followed them just because chasing is so fun.

Gaz snickered.

"Oh, revenge, how I love you. I wish you all a not horrible Christmas. You chumps..."

(A/N: Whooo! Longest one-shot I've written so far!...I liked it! Some parts seemed sort of...I don't know. But I tried my best, and I hope you liked it! Yo, do me a favor and point out any errors you find. THOUGH, THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY. I'm too hard on myself sometimes.

Now you know why "Tak Is Back" was taking so long...I had to get this done by Christmas.

Well! Please review and fave! Merry Christmas!)


End file.
